Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Let's Talk About Sex : The Problem

So today I was scanning Facebook entries and noted my friend Ken talking about his fifth grade son getting a talk about the "naughty bits" in science class.

To which I replied, I had no idea they were presenting Chris Rock sketches to grade schoolers.  (A line I repeat here because I was so very pleased with it. Somebody give me a rimshot, please!)

At least Chris thought it was funny...

Anyway, that got me thinking about sex ed and Catholic sex ed.  Honestly, and with enormous respect for all those who work in Catholic education, it sort of terrifies me to think what kids might be getting in Catholic schools.  We're 50 years post Vatican II, but honestly, when it comes to sex, I'm just not that sure how far the Church has come. Catholics, many of them, very far; but the Church as an institution, not so much.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you heard anyone even remotely connected to the institution of the Church talk about what a great thing sex is.  Let alone talk in any depth about the dynamics of a sexual relationship in a way that seems a) actually aware of how such a relationship works; and b) not driven by other, unrelated ideas.


Consider even this: is it appropriate to show a picture like this? There's absolutely nothing lascivious in the models or the presentation. But still, do you feel along with me that twinge of discomfort? Like, this isn't something we should see?

The Catholic presentation on sexuality is not a problem unique to married life -- the priests of the archdiocese of New York were subjected 4 or 5 years ago to a disastrous session with a lay Catholic "expert" on intimacy whose sense of human sexuality was grounded in all sorts of rights and wrongs with almost no connection to human physical realities. (Also, his talk was littered with homoerotic images of men riding horses and rocket ships that made you wonder, does this guy have any concept of what he's saying?)

Still, I actually think the challenge is greater  for lay Catholics.  As much as society tends to brand clergy as sexually disconnected, in point of fact many of us have access to tremendous resources to help us appreciate human sexuality in a human, healthy, spiritual way.  In fact, to my mind sometimes it feels like clergy have a sort of inside track in which they privately acknowledge the failings of Church practices, without ever actually sharing that knowledge with the people of God themselves! Which is just plain nutty.

So, bringing this back to the original question, when we are being healthy, what are we as Church saying to fifth graders about their human sexuality? And how do we go about saying it? (As the great church historian John O'Malley, SJ writes, what made Vatican II important is not just what it said, but how it said it, the tone and style it took.  The way we educate our children about sexuality is no different.)

For today, I'm just going to leave the question hanging for now, because I think it's a great question for all of us. What do we want our children told (and how)? What would we like to see less of?

On Friday, I'll come back with a couple thoughts of my own.  (And eventually, we'll get back to Matthew! I promise!)

See you Friday for Sex Ed...





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