There She Blows

Today the tertians went whale watching out in the ocean off Sydney Harbor. Beautiful day, we actually spotted a couple whale tails, at one time very very close, everyone in good spirits. "Mission Accomplished."

However, should you ever have the opportunity to go whale watching, there's a couple things they won't tell you that you probably should know.

1) On the ocean you go up and down. Like a rollercoaster.

2) It doesn't matter whether it's a nice day or not, a calm day or not in the harbor. On the ocean, you go up and down.


3) You also go side to side. For those of us raised in the 70s, think of the Weebles. They wobble, but they don't fall down. But they can REALLY WOBBLE.



4) Many people get really sick when they go up and down and side to side. I'm told it has something to do with being out of control of one's own movement. Similar to the reason why you won't get carsick when you drive, but you can when others are driving.

5) Consequently, a whale watching boat should more properly be called a spew-watching boat. Because you see a lot more spew than you do spouts.

A lot more.

A lot more.

6) Lastly: once it's out on the ocean, the boat is not going to turn back. So, enjoy either that apparently inexhaustible feeling that you are going to die from the non-stop dry-heaving that you will do for the next 2-3 hours, or if by some trick of fate you don't get sick, that sense of being trapped in a heaving, rocking, speeding plague ward.

One of our guys got sick an hour out, and I would say if we had any doubts that he would remember us when we all depart they are now null and void, because based on what we witnessed it is safe to say that the poor man will always remember this day, or at least those terrible, terrible two hours. If you take a moment to recall your own experiences of being violently ill -- not from drinking, as those pass once you get the poison out, usually, but stomach flu, say -- you know what I mean. Except you were in your bathroom. He was 3 miles out to sea surrounded by others who are also vomiting -- which really does not help soothe the stomach.

So, if you have to go see whales, might I suggest bring lots and lots of dramamine. And when they say "eat a light lunch", what they mean is, "If you want to feed the whales, be sure to eat a light lunch."